This kind of question can land you in trouble so, before we go any further, let’s start with an explanation. Because of the functional difference between men and women, it’s fairly easy to see whether a man is sexually excited. For the expectant and cooperative partner, the real test whether the erection is sufficiently hard to penetrate. If not, all those expectations are dashed in a wave of frustration (usually on both sides). But when it comes to women, there are less obvious signs of excitement. Some extra lubrication, perhaps a hardening of the nipples. Without the equivalent of an erection to signal readiness, women tend to be cast in the role of the passive partner.
For both men and women, the common factor is libido or the lack of it. In theory, this is the basic human drive to procreate. Put most animals of the same species together and, sooner or later, both will mate. It’s genetically built into species that the strongest will survive through their “offspring”. This gives all animals, including humans, an appetite for sex. The fact we might be thinking animals and can talk our way into and out of enthusiasm for any activity, does not change the basic drive to engage in sex. After all, our bodies reward us by making it so enjoyable. This reality of enjoyment can, however, be lost. People who are seriously stressed or depressed tend to lose interest in sex. Others, even though not depressed, also seem to have a weak libido producing poor performance in intimate situations. In psychology, this can be because of body image problems like obesity, or because of traumatic sexual experiences as children. But, in physical terms, it can be evidence of a disease of the thyroid, low levels of hormones or other measurable disorders. It can equally be something simple like loss of sleep or problems in the relationship. (more…)